The latest from Paris
Training Day: England fans wish upon a Eurostar at Waterloo in London
Well, we were expecting an English invasion from the north, but a train strike has put pay to that notion, and I think I just about catch the whiff of Comté floating on the Parisian air (that's a hard cheese, by the way).
My suspicions were confirmed when the Paris transport authority pledged it would give "special treatment" to the Métro line feeding Parc des Princes for Friday night's play-off between France and Argentina.
Okay, so England sent Les Bleus limping away from their own party - boo hoo. Get over it, France! Let us Europeans unite against the real enemy - South Africa! The Boks have come to our side of the world with the intention of making off with our finery. Does that not move you, Frenchie?
So let's man the barricades, or rather the Eurostar trains that sit idle at Gare du Nord, and let's ship in those reinforcements! Heaven knows England need all the support they can get.
South Africans are out in force on the streets of Paris and the mood in the Bok camp is downright presumptuous. The swanky bar at their swanky hotel in Bercy is stocked up with fine champagne, and it seems that the players are just waiting for a congruous drinking vessel - made of gold, perhaps - to come floating down the Seine.
Of course, they have every reason to be confident. They have been planning for this weekend for the last three years. No stone has been left unturned in their relentless quest to recapture the 18-inch pot that they lost to Australia in 1999.
Perhaps it is down to those green fatigues, but even their team announcement unfolded with militaristic precision. To hell with those waylaid by the strike, the press conference will commence right on time!
England, by way of contrast, look like rank amateurs. They are holed up in a purpose-built Marriott in the outskirts of Paris on one of those nondescript suburban avenues that France does so well.
It's a far cry from the palatial pile near Versailles in which they set up camp - as did the Gestapo before them - in the first weeks of the tournament, but the new informal approach seems to suit this 'new' England team.
Perhaps it's more than informal - their team announcement was accompanied by a feeling of mild chaos. Brian Ashton, Rob Andrew and the likes of Lewis Moody and Mike Catt milled around the lobby chatting to hacks and slapping backs, completely unperturbed that the show was running well behind time.
One wonders how the Knighted One would have reacted to such a scene. With no hair left to pull out, he would surely have opted for one of his red-faced tizzy fits. His definition of punctual was being in place and ready five minutes ahead of schedule.
Finally, once the 21 television crews (I counted them) and 80-odd journos had assembled in the meeting room, Ashton made his way through the throng to the top table and disappeared behind the bank of microphones.
Given the array of tripods, wires, coats and bags that lay strewn across the room, I had to stifle a scream as Phil Vickery and Jonny Wilkinson made their way to the front to join their coach.
"Jonny!" I wanted to yell. "Jonny! For the love of all that is good, PLEASE mind your step!"
Instead, I simply gathered my own possession to my chest - as a mother would her children in a flood - as he brushed past me. Wilko being taken out on the eve of the World Cup Final by my laptop cable doesn't bear thinking about. Just how embarrassing what that be?
My fixation on England's man-god was evidently shared with those around me. Ashton read out the names of his 22-man squad for Saturday before turning to the floor. The first question was directed at Wilkinson, as was the second. And the third.
And the fourth.
And the fifth.
Vickery, now literally twiddling his thumbs, exchanged a couple of knowing winks with the equally redundant Ashton.
And the sixth.
Then, finally, the stalemate was broken.
"This is a question for Phil," said a Kiwi voice. Vickery looked startled. "Phil, how important is Jonny to your side?"
SEEN AND HEARD:
+ Tricolores marked down to 10 euros a pop. St George's flags marked up to 20.
+ A couple of lost Bok fans slowly revolving a map of Paris. Round and round it went - for 15 minutes. They then sat down for a beer.
+ A well-meaning poster bearing the header "Il y a une église dans ma vie!" complete with graffittied afterthought: "Oui! C'est l'église du rugby!"
+ England fans adopting the 'Wilkinson Squat' whilst being fed beer by their mates.
+ Meanwhile, it seems even the French postal service has been caught out by England's progress. Their series of stamps produced for the tournament include only one white-shirted figure taking a place kick. Alas, he's wearing the number nine on his back, and kicking with his right foot.
+ A figure for you: 174 - that's the number of points scored by South Africa in their past four matches against England, who managed just 46 in reply.
+ "Well, I guess Shawsy's a bit less boring." - England lock Ben Kay stirs it up when asked to compare playing alongside his former captain Martin Johnson to pairing up with Simon Shaw.
+ "I try to relax and read books. I also like lying next to the shower, with the shower on, in the bathroom, on the floor. I just lie and read. I like the sound of running water." - England centre Mathew Tait doesn't just look like Macaulay Culkin...
+ Fight brewing? Mark Cueto eats beans on toast before ever game, always puts his left boot on first and ensures he is last off the coach and last out the changing rooms. Unfortunately, that last ritual is also held by Mark Regan. Don't know about you, but I'm backing Regan.
+ Another number: 7 - that's the number of players set to play in their second World Cup Final. Six players from England (Ben Kay, Jonny Wilkinson, Jason Robinson, Lewis Moody, Mike Catt, Phil Vickery) and South Africa's Os du Randt are named in the starting line-ups for their respective teams. England's Laurence Dallaglio could make it eight if he comes off the bench to take part. All have winners' medals.
+ "I'm a likeable guy." - England's Jason Robinson on why he was accepted so quickly after making the switch from League to Union.
+ England centre Mike Catt was born in Port Elizabeth and prop Matt Stevens hails from Durban. Does that constitute a win-win?
+ After a very slow start, Parisian supplies of official England replica shirts have now sold out.
+ No team has staged a second-half comeback to win a RWC Final after trailing their opponents at half-time.
+ Phil Vickery and Andy Gomarsall (along with Trevor Woodman) were awarded the Freedom of Gloucester following the victory of 2003. It gives them permission to drive cattle through the town centre. Who knows what new privileges await should they return triumphant once again!
By Andy Jackson in Paris
